Wednesday, June 29, 2011

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

I coach mostly women, I won't lie. I have helped many get their ex boyfriends back by helping them understand how men think. So it's a given I suppose that I already know how women think, plus my ex boyfriend just got me back, so I suppose I can shed a little light here for you.

Generally speaking, I believe exes are exes for a reason, but if you want to know how to get your ex girlfriend back, I will tell you how my ex boyfriend did it.

I broke up with him. He lost his job, he was smothering me to death, and he was holding onto me for dear life. I cut all contact and if he dared to contact, lets say I was less than nice. He was driving me crazy.

So he had to give up or so I thought. He eventually respected my requests and left me alone. He took that time to think about things. He could have said I was cruel to cut him lose at his worst time in his life, but he didn't. He took that time to understand the dynamics and why it panicked me so bad and why I couldn't be a stand by your man woman.

You see, it goes back to the beginning of time. Men are hunters and providers, women are nurturers etc. My survival instinct kicked in and I did not see him as a suitable mate. Your issue may be different and not even close to ours, but stay with me here.

With all the feminist crap and all going on, and I am not knocking it, don't get me wrong. I am queen of independence, but it confuses our God given roles. Basically we women have needs that we want met, the main one being we want to feel safe with you. There are others of course, but safe and protected are high on the list.

Women grieve heavy in the beginning and while I suggest giving her space in the beginning, you can't wait too long to make your move. When a woman moves on, she moves on. She doesn't look back, because she reaches a point where instinct kicks in and she wants a mate that comes after her.

My ex got his crap together and showed up 5 months later. He would send a ping here and there but stopped driving me crazy. It gave me time to process and when he came back, he had fixed what was wrong and was in a place to listen to what I needed from him. Funny thing happened too during our time apart. I never really thought much about him. I was good with him being gone. I wasn't crying and thought, really thought I had done the best thing. But, and here is the but, I didn't really know how strongly I did feel. I had no clue. He had to remind me.

That is what you have to do. Figure out what it is that made her not feel safe, fix it, wait and come back and remind her.

I have to give my ex this credit as well. In his mind he never gave up. His attitude remained positive that he would have me back one day. I think attitude has a lot to do with is success at it. That and his courage that I could have shot him down. He showed up unexpected, completely caught me off guard. I could have cussed him out and that is truly how I would predict it go down, but it didn't. I hugged him instead and the rest is history in the makings.

He never tried to make me feel bad, he never used emotional blackmail on me, he took it like a man and waited for the timing to be right. If you love her, you have to be patient to get her back. No manipulation, no attacks, no making her feel guilt. Those things won't win her back.


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Monday, June 20, 2011

Nice Guys Finish Last

Oh the times I have heard that statement. Nice guys finish last. Why is it that this seems to be the general opinion? I hear it from nice guys all the time. Women would rather be with a man that treats her like crap, hits her, talks her down than a guy who treats her good. I can see some justification in this, yes I can. I see it too in some women, but those aren't the kind of women you want, trust me. Think about it. A woman that allows a man to treat her bad is in a way just as responsible for it as the man treating her bad. Do you really want a woman that has no more love for herself than this? She needs some help that you probably can't give her. Some may slap me for this, but sorry, women have control over how they are treated. They don't have to accept this bad guys into their lives.

So that being said, maybe you nice guys aren't really looking for the nice girls? Is that a possibility? Do you have all these standards in place such as she has to be this height, this weight, she has to be this, she has to be that etc. Are you missing some of the good girls with your criteria or high expectations?

I am a part of few online communities. One where they train the nice guys to be players or pick up artist. Now I know many look down on this, but a funny thing happens to these guys going through this training. They learn what goes on in a woman's mind and they learn how to push her emotional buttons to trigger attraction. Some call it game playing. Bottom line. I have met quite a few of these guys that went through this so called bogus training and let me tell you, they did get it. Not "it", but they finally understood how women form and keep an attraction for a man. A lot of these men have met and now have long term lasting relationships as opposed to a lot of one night stands. They learn how to be a nice guy with that extra edge.

I deal with mostly women so let me tell you why they say nice guys finish last. The attraction isn't usually there with the nice guys. They talk about going on dates, what a nice guy he is but there is no click. Why is this, why can't they like a nice guy? Could this nice guy not really understand what it is that creates attraction in a woman. Trust me, you can be a nice guy and still drive a girl wild. Do nice guys finish last? No, they don't.

Monday, June 13, 2011

My Girlfriend Wants a Break

If your girlfriend wants a break, I only know one way to put this too you and that is straight up. There is a break up ahead if you don't give it to her. If you are saying to your friends or searching this "My girlfriend wants a break", there is trouble ahead.

When your girlfriend wants a break or asks for space what she is saying is she is feeling smothered by you. You are possibly heading somewhere too fast or too soon. I hate to say this part too, but sometimes another guy has caught her attention and she wants the space to explore this but doesn't want to tell you. Cop out? Maybe.

Six months ago I told my boyfriend of 6 months I wanted space. Some of the things he was doing was constantly texting me, wanting to talk every night on the phone, which meant my life as I knew it before was being interrupted. I like my nights out with the girls. He didn't mind that so much, but he wanted to talk to me and would call or text while I was out. I drove me crazy. Thing is he was a great guy.

My love language was different. I need space, I need my other life outside of him and his clinging to me was making me feel quilt and I felt reponsible for his happiness. It became not so fun and it started to bleed over to when we were together.

I asked for space. I explained to him I wouldn't always answer texts or calls if I was working or out having a one on one with my girlfriends, but would call him back. I wanted him to trust me on this. We want to be trusted just like you guys do. By him continuing to push, I didn't feel trusted.

I broke up with him because he wasn't getting it. For the first month after the break up, he kept on pushing. He was coming from a place of his pain. He wanted answers. He didn't understand. The more he did this, the more he validated for me that breaking up with him was a good thing.

About month number 2 or 3, he started stopping contact after eventually I had to get pretty rough and threaten to block him or report him for harassment. I understood he was acting from a place of emotion and not logic, but it wasn't getting him anywhere, he was still smothering me and not respecting my wishes and decision.

Month 4 he stopped all contact. I sort of just forgot about him, but often thought of how much I knew he loved me. Still I pushed it out of my mind as I did not want to go down that road again of having to ask him for a break and fighting that battle again. I was convinced I made the right choice to end it.

Month 6, he shows up after no contact for over 60 days, none, nada zilch. When I saw him all I remembered was the good times to be honest and I was very happy to see him. Very unexpected on my part. His emotions had time to calm. He was more able to see it clearly from my point and I was more clearly to see it from his.

We are talking again. We made a stride towards one another. Had he not crowded me in the fist place and given me, his girlfriend a break, we would very possibly never broke up to start with.

Moral of this story, if your girlfriend asks for space or if you are saying to others my girlfriend wants a break, give it to her. Let her miss you because chances are good she will. Don't question her about it, just accept it and give it to her. You stand a much better chance of keeping her if you do. If you fight it, you will lose her.

So if your girlfriend wants a break, take the time to understand the whys of this, take the precautions to stop that break up that is ahead.