Monday, June 13, 2011

My Girlfriend Wants a Break

If your girlfriend wants a break, I only know one way to put this too you and that is straight up. There is a break up ahead if you don't give it to her. If you are saying to your friends or searching this "My girlfriend wants a break", there is trouble ahead.

When your girlfriend wants a break or asks for space what she is saying is she is feeling smothered by you. You are possibly heading somewhere too fast or too soon. I hate to say this part too, but sometimes another guy has caught her attention and she wants the space to explore this but doesn't want to tell you. Cop out? Maybe.

Six months ago I told my boyfriend of 6 months I wanted space. Some of the things he was doing was constantly texting me, wanting to talk every night on the phone, which meant my life as I knew it before was being interrupted. I like my nights out with the girls. He didn't mind that so much, but he wanted to talk to me and would call or text while I was out. I drove me crazy. Thing is he was a great guy.

My love language was different. I need space, I need my other life outside of him and his clinging to me was making me feel quilt and I felt reponsible for his happiness. It became not so fun and it started to bleed over to when we were together.

I asked for space. I explained to him I wouldn't always answer texts or calls if I was working or out having a one on one with my girlfriends, but would call him back. I wanted him to trust me on this. We want to be trusted just like you guys do. By him continuing to push, I didn't feel trusted.

I broke up with him because he wasn't getting it. For the first month after the break up, he kept on pushing. He was coming from a place of his pain. He wanted answers. He didn't understand. The more he did this, the more he validated for me that breaking up with him was a good thing.

About month number 2 or 3, he started stopping contact after eventually I had to get pretty rough and threaten to block him or report him for harassment. I understood he was acting from a place of emotion and not logic, but it wasn't getting him anywhere, he was still smothering me and not respecting my wishes and decision.

Month 4 he stopped all contact. I sort of just forgot about him, but often thought of how much I knew he loved me. Still I pushed it out of my mind as I did not want to go down that road again of having to ask him for a break and fighting that battle again. I was convinced I made the right choice to end it.

Month 6, he shows up after no contact for over 60 days, none, nada zilch. When I saw him all I remembered was the good times to be honest and I was very happy to see him. Very unexpected on my part. His emotions had time to calm. He was more able to see it clearly from my point and I was more clearly to see it from his.

We are talking again. We made a stride towards one another. Had he not crowded me in the fist place and given me, his girlfriend a break, we would very possibly never broke up to start with.

Moral of this story, if your girlfriend asks for space or if you are saying to others my girlfriend wants a break, give it to her. Let her miss you because chances are good she will. Don't question her about it, just accept it and give it to her. You stand a much better chance of keeping her if you do. If you fight it, you will lose her.

So if your girlfriend wants a break, take the time to understand the whys of this, take the precautions to stop that break up that is ahead.

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