Sunday, November 14, 2010

She is Distant - What Happened - What to Do

Ever been dating a woman maybe a few weeks, maybe a few months and all of a sudden she is distant. You can tell in her voice she is less than thrilled when you call, she may stop answering some of your texts and worse she canceled a date. You can feel her pulling away and you don't know why.

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Chances are she is not feeling the attraction she felt earlier. Attraction for a woman is a tricky thing. They like to feel secure, but at the same time they do like mystery. You might want to ask yourself have you been smothering her or maybe being too predictable.

Men often wonder why women love jerks. This is not really true, it's just there is something that jerks can do that the nice guys struggle with. They create attraction. They are not so easy to get and are far from predictable. If you are texting her relentlessly, telling her you miss her and other mushy stuff, this really is a turn off. We start to think, oh boy, if I don't return the sentiments, he is not going to be happy. Then we feel responsible for your happiness. This is huge in killing attraction.

I will share a story about attraction gone south. Tim met Jen. They hit it off, started dating. Tim immediately started texting her everyday. Good Morning, Good Night, sharing parts of his day with her. He sent her flowers. She was flattered at first. How sweet. Weeks go by, he continues. Jen is starting to get bored. She calls me and doesn't know what to do, she feels smothered and is starting to see him as a friend. The more she pulls away, the more he comes after her. She is distant. Relationship dies before it even gets off the ground because Tim wouldn't give her time to miss him, the key element in building attraction.

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If you feel she is distant, don't go after her even harder. Give her some space and time to miss you. Don't ask her for reassurance, this makes you look needy and will kill the attraction even more. If you text her every morning, miss one. Mirror her level of commitment. This shows her you will not allow her to be the center of your universe. This is wildly attractive to a woman.

It's like flowers on Valentines day. You get them for her because it is expected. If you are relentless and predictable, she will come to expect it. A woman would much rather get flowers at random than on a day of celebration. It means so much more.

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